Tag: #survivingsexualabuse

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Eighteen and so unbelievably not me…I wasn’t true to myself.  KM entered into my life and what a world-wind he was.  His long blond hair, big blue eyes and ever so sleek silhouette caught my attention from across the room and we were a year of destruction him and me.

Life at home was a billowing pit of broken rules, late night arguments, and unfiltered words of reckoning.  I hated it and wanted to be everywhere else but there.  I felt trapped and wanted desperately to be free.

I left home and took shelter with KM and his mother.  We had passion but it was so incredibly unhealthy.  We dared each other to be something we weren’t in hopes of finding solitude.  Drinking our cares away, staying out all night and flipping life to the wind.  Life was spinning out of control…

He walked in the bathroom one morning, as I sat on the sink, blade in hand and blood dripping from my fingertips.  I wanted to feel, yet I didn’t want to feel anything at all.  The numbness of the blade split the skin one finger at a time.  He put me in the shower and I sat on the cold, wet tiled floor, water running down my body as I watched the blood slowly circle the drain.  It was as if I was watching my life drain with it and for some reason that was ok.

Our arrangement with one another came to an end as we were no good together.  You see he had also been molested as a child and he learned to weave his sickness in and out of mine.  The time came when I had to go and (“Hospital Stay” discussed earlier in blog) KM begged me not to leave.  It took everything I had to say goodbye and never to look back.  I closed my eyes, said a prayer and left only by chance.

The memories took me be back to a place I could not stay

But for a moment they crept in to prey

Folded notes tucked in the torn box springs coiled in her soul

Hidden from another, unscripted, jilted and utter chaos

in a life beyond control

Sheets of linen lined with tears colored red

Sinister awakenings in the darkness of her mind … the hours

before the dawn of which she bled

Fairied fingers of stained amber rum

Toggled between innocence and a God given will

Evil took on a face of its own, tainted by ill spattered cum

A freeze frame imprinted in her brain, blurred visions of immoral heed

Haunted …

By nightfall when you took her innocence, she became your treachery

in which you came to feed

I cried for her today

©findingmyvoicethroughpoetry.com 2014

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